After losing my left tube and having already had an ectopic in my right tube, my doctor ordered a dye test to determine if there was any flow problems before we tried to get pregnant once again. This test showed that I do indeed have some kind of blockage in my remaining tube that could possibly cause me to have another ectopic pregnancy in the future. I certainly don't want to have to deal with that a third time! So she referred me to Arkansas Fertility & Gynecology Associates for an evaluation and to determine what my options were if we decided to have another baby.
Kyle was out of town on business the week I scheduled my appointment, but my mother-in-law was happy to go with me. Dr. Miller was great to explain everything to us about the risks of another ectopic if we decided to have the laparoscopy to repair my tube. He recommended that we bypass all those risks and go straight for in vitro fertilization. There was so much to think about before deciding to do this procedure. He went through the quick run down of how it worked. I remember bits and pieces...like "possibility of twins or even TRIPLETS!" I think Kyle would have run out of the room had he been there to hear that. Carol's eyes got really big listening to him talk about multiples. She said that she and my mom would definitely have to move in with us if we had more than one. :-)
The major issue with doing IVF was the fact that our insurance does not pay for any fertility treatments and this is definitely not an inexpensive process. Then there is the issue of what happens to the embryos you do not use (if there are any). I certainly wouldn't want them destroyed or even donated. But the only other option is to use them. Hmmm would that even be something we wanted to do when the time came? So many questions and the clock is ticking! I'm about to turn 34 next week and I know my chances of having a healthy pregnancy and/or a healthy baby are diminishing quickly.
What is in God's plan? It is so hard to know what the right thing is to do.This is such a lonely place to be too. No one I know has really gone through the exact thing I'm going through. No one can tell us what to do. I'm always afraid of messing up and this is definitely not something you want to mess up on. Kyle and I have spent the last week talking about our options and trying to come to some kind of peace about what to do. Meanwhile, I read on AFG's website about a procedure where they use a catheter to guide wires into your fallopian tube to clean out any adhesions that could be causing problems. After Dr. Miller reviewed my test films, I got the news today that I am not a candidate for the catheterization procedure after all. My blockage is not in the place for it to be an effective treatment, but he feels that surgery might be a viable option based on the test results. I will see Dr. Miller on March 26th to discuss having the laparoscopy to repair my tube and remove any adhesions so that we can hopefully get pregnant on our own. If he finds the damage to be too bad, he may have to remove the tube anyway...which would take us back to doing IVF.
How ever it ends up we will deal with it...it is all in God's hands. I just pray for peace to know what to do and the strength to do what needs to be done. I appreciate all the prayers and words of encouragement from all my friends and family. Please know that I couldn't have made it this far without each of you. I hope that this blog will be an outlet for me to express my feelings when I am feeling alone in all of this. And maybe in the process I can help someone who is going through something similar so that they will see that they aren't alone either. Talking about it doesn't mean you are trying to get attention (which is why I have been reluctant to talk openly thus far), it means you are accepting it and seeking help in dealing with it.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Where we've been...
So in July of 2009 we decided we would start trying to have another baby. Brady is always asking me, "When is God gonna give me a baby sister?" How do you answer that?? I would always tell him that God would give us a baby whenever he thought it was time. That only led to more and more questions from his curious little mind, but somehow I managed to convince him that it wouldn't be too long (hopefully).
We got pregnant the first month, which was a total shock! After a week or so we told everyone. Then in my 5th week I started having cramping and spotting. After blood work for a few days it was decided that I was not having a normal pregnancy. The doctor prepared me for what she thought was going to be a miscarriage. It just so happened to be the weekend of Brady's 4th birthday party too. Doctor's orders were to stay in bed...but I just couldn't. Needless to say the pain got worse over the next few days and after more blood work and a couple of ultrasounds, they determined I had an ectopic pregnancy in my right tube.
The pregnancy was still very small and my doctor felt she could spare me surgery (and losing my tube) by giving me a methotrexate shot. This cancer drug would stop the cell growth and cause my body to absorb the mass. During all this my hormone levels were being closely monitored and it was also found that my liver functions were elevated. This ordeal took an agonizing month to remedy itself and finally my levels were all back to normal. We were told we could start trying again in a couple of months.
We were also very fortunate the next time to get pregnant the first month. I was very guarded with my feelings about this pregnancy, but I so badly wanted to be excited. I was scheduled for a 6-week ultrasound to make sure the baby was in the right place this time. I had absolutely NO cramping or bleeding up until the ultrasound. So I was very hopeful that this pregnancy was going to work. Kyle and I went in for the U/S and watched as the technician rooted around taking pictures. I had no clue what we were looking at but I didn't expect to see much this early anyway. She asked a lot of questions which kind of made me nervous, but I was trying to push those feelings down. She left the room to consult with her doctor and came back with the news that she didn't see a pregnancy at all...intrauterine or otherwise. We were devastated!
We immediately went downstairs to my OB's office for blood work to see where my hCG levels were. Of course the day of waiting for the results was agonizing. I got the results the next morning and by that time I had already started cramping and bleeding. I knew it was not going to work this time either. The doctor wanted to repeat the hCG test the next day. Two days after finding out there was no pregnancy I was awake all night with severe left-sided pain. Nothing I did alleviated it and I could not get comfortable for anything! I spoke to my doctor at 6:30am the next morning and she scheduled me for another ultrasound first thing that morning.
We had just had one of the coldest nights of the season and Kyle was off that day. He had spent an hour pouring water all over the back patio the night before so Brady could do some "ice skating" when he woke up. So my wonderful mother-in-law offered to take me to my appointment so the boys could have their fun. That was the most painful vaginal ultrasound I had had to date. The technician took pictures for almost an hour and I cried the entire time. Even after all that time she could not come to a conclusion on her own. She called in the radiologist to watch the ultrasound as they tried to determine where all that pain was coming from. His findings were still a bit inconclusive but he thought he could see a mass of some kind on my left side. He sent me back down to my OB's office for her to decide what to do. Being the great doctor that she is, she decided not to mess around with it this time since I was in so much pain. She scheduled me for surgery that very day. She was able to remove the pregnancy but I also lost my left tube in the process. She told my family after the surgery that if we would have waited just one more day, the pregnancy would have cause my tube to rupture...which could have led to severe blood loss and possibly death.
We got pregnant the first month, which was a total shock! After a week or so we told everyone. Then in my 5th week I started having cramping and spotting. After blood work for a few days it was decided that I was not having a normal pregnancy. The doctor prepared me for what she thought was going to be a miscarriage. It just so happened to be the weekend of Brady's 4th birthday party too. Doctor's orders were to stay in bed...but I just couldn't. Needless to say the pain got worse over the next few days and after more blood work and a couple of ultrasounds, they determined I had an ectopic pregnancy in my right tube.
The pregnancy was still very small and my doctor felt she could spare me surgery (and losing my tube) by giving me a methotrexate shot. This cancer drug would stop the cell growth and cause my body to absorb the mass. During all this my hormone levels were being closely monitored and it was also found that my liver functions were elevated. This ordeal took an agonizing month to remedy itself and finally my levels were all back to normal. We were told we could start trying again in a couple of months.
We were also very fortunate the next time to get pregnant the first month. I was very guarded with my feelings about this pregnancy, but I so badly wanted to be excited. I was scheduled for a 6-week ultrasound to make sure the baby was in the right place this time. I had absolutely NO cramping or bleeding up until the ultrasound. So I was very hopeful that this pregnancy was going to work. Kyle and I went in for the U/S and watched as the technician rooted around taking pictures. I had no clue what we were looking at but I didn't expect to see much this early anyway. She asked a lot of questions which kind of made me nervous, but I was trying to push those feelings down. She left the room to consult with her doctor and came back with the news that she didn't see a pregnancy at all...intrauterine or otherwise. We were devastated!
We immediately went downstairs to my OB's office for blood work to see where my hCG levels were. Of course the day of waiting for the results was agonizing. I got the results the next morning and by that time I had already started cramping and bleeding. I knew it was not going to work this time either. The doctor wanted to repeat the hCG test the next day. Two days after finding out there was no pregnancy I was awake all night with severe left-sided pain. Nothing I did alleviated it and I could not get comfortable for anything! I spoke to my doctor at 6:30am the next morning and she scheduled me for another ultrasound first thing that morning.
We had just had one of the coldest nights of the season and Kyle was off that day. He had spent an hour pouring water all over the back patio the night before so Brady could do some "ice skating" when he woke up. So my wonderful mother-in-law offered to take me to my appointment so the boys could have their fun. That was the most painful vaginal ultrasound I had had to date. The technician took pictures for almost an hour and I cried the entire time. Even after all that time she could not come to a conclusion on her own. She called in the radiologist to watch the ultrasound as they tried to determine where all that pain was coming from. His findings were still a bit inconclusive but he thought he could see a mass of some kind on my left side. He sent me back down to my OB's office for her to decide what to do. Being the great doctor that she is, she decided not to mess around with it this time since I was in so much pain. She scheduled me for surgery that very day. She was able to remove the pregnancy but I also lost my left tube in the process. She told my family after the surgery that if we would have waited just one more day, the pregnancy would have cause my tube to rupture...which could have led to severe blood loss and possibly death.
How it all started...
I'll start with a little history about me and my little family. Kyle and I will celebrate our 10 year anniversary on September 9 of this year. We are the proud parents of Brady Logan, who is a VERY active 4 1/2 year old. I am set to graduate in May with my accounting degree. It has been a long road to get here. I started college right out of high school but had to quit after my first semester. God sent me an awesome boss years later who encouraged me to go back to school. So in January of 2002 I enrolled at UALR part time while I worked at Union Bank. I was laid off from the bank in March of 2005...it was actually my birthday...and I was three months pregnant. Go figure! It was a rough time for me to say the least. However, it was the best thing that could have happened to us. This allowed me to be home while I was pregnant and helped us realize that we could make it on one salary. So in August of 2005 I became a stay-at-home-mom!! Wow what a hard job that has been!
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