A Little Scare...

Well last night I started spotting again. It still wasn't bright red but was a little pinker than the week before. I would call it a mauve color. And to top it all off, there was even what appeared to be a small blood clot in it at one point. I was a nervous wreck fretting about what could be going on. Flashes of what we have been through in the past year came back to both me and Kyle as we starred at that toilet paper. Rather than worry myself too much, I just went to bed. Crazy dreams filled the night and I tried to find rest. I dreamed that we had an ultrasound today and the baby was peeking his head up over something and then quickly ducking back down. He was playing peek-a-boo with us. And that even as early as I am, we were still able to tell that it was a boy. All of those thoughts are very weird and kept waking me up...that on top of the constant trips to the bathroom.

Anyway, I took Brady to school and immediately called the nurse this morning. As I explained to her what was going on she suggested I just come on in for an ultrasound. I jumped at the chance for another look inside the belly. Our sweet ultrasound technician, Elizabeth, was nervous that we were back to see her so soon. Her first view of baby showed an obvious heartbeat. What a relief!! And it was beating at 171...way up from the 120 two weeks ago. Then she commented that we had ourselves a little gummy bear in there. The pictures below will show you what she meant. The baby has limb buds right now instead of arms and legs and really does resemble a gummy bear. :) The baby is measuring right on track from two weeks ago.

We got to see Dr. Deed today as well and she explained that the bleeding was probably coming from an area where a blood vessel had ruptured. Which is pretty common when pregnancies implant into the uterus. She showed us the area on the ultrasound. She explained that the blood would eventually evacuate but that I could see spotting for another week or two. Another relief! I can handle the spotting as long as I know what to expect and it doesn't get bright red! So I'm happy that everything still seems to be going right this time. We thank God everyday that we have been given another chance at this. Like my momma says, "Only He is the giver of life."

8 Weeks!!

So today I am officially 8 weeks! I am excited that I have made it this far without any major complications. However, I have to say that I am really, really sick of being sick. :( I did not experience any of this when I was pregnant with Brady. I had a few days of nausea with him and might have missed a day of work because of that and fatigue...but nothing like what I am experiencing now. Most people tell me that means this baby is going to be a GIRL! That's fine with me but either way I am ready for the illness to go. I have literally been in bed for days now because when I get up and move around too much, I start gagging. Lovely, huh? Lying perfectly still or sleeping has been the only thing that wards off the gagging. BUT even lying around is getting rough. My hubby is being as understanding as he can be and my child is certainly tired of mommy being in bed so much. Do I really have 4 more weeks of this?

I told my mom that I feel like a loser when I complain about how sick I've been for the past month. After all, I am pregnant and that is a good thing. I could be sick for some other reasons that aren't so good. So then the guilt sets in. Ugh...these hormones make me think and feel crazy things. I've had some amazing support though. Friends that have been there before and totally understand what I am going through and my two moms that listen to be whine about it most every day. It will get better soon. It just has to, right?

So my first official OB appointment is next Monday and I am ready to see and hear my baby again. I am contemplating the purchase of a doppler so I can listen to the baby's heartbeat anytime I want. Since I have been experiencing some brown spotting last Thursday, it would really set my mind at ease if I knew everything was still okay in there. I haven't had any cramping and the blood hasn't gotten pink or red, so I am trying not to worry. Things I've read say that as your uterus stretches, it sheds a bit of old blood. So I can accept that for now as long as things don't change.

Here is what babycenter.com says about the baby this week:

Your pregnancy: 8 weeks

How your baby's growing:

New this week: Webbed fingers and toes are poking out from your baby's hands and feet, his eyelids practically cover his eyes, breathing tubes extend from his throat to the branches of his developing lungs, and his "tail" is just about gone. In his brain, nerve cells are branching out to connect with one another, forming primitive neural pathways. You may be daydreaming about your baby as one sex or the other, but the external genitals still haven't developed enough to reveal whether you're having a boy or a girl. Either way, your baby — about the size of a kidney bean — is constantly moving and shifting, though you still can't feel it.

What a Relief!

So today was my repeat ultrasound since last week there wasn't much to see. Well there still wasn't very much to see today, but what we did see was GREAT news! We were able to see a heartbeat...more like a flutter instead of a beat, but nonetheless it was beating! The technician measured it to be beating at 120 bpm and the baby itself is about .25 inch long. That puts me at 6 weeks and 4 days with a due date of March 6. I am just so relieved and excited and I cannot wait for my next visit already. Elizabeth, the technician, said she was so glad that I was finally getting some good news. She said she has these patients that go through so much and she is so happy when something goes right and she can share in that joy with them. She said I am one of those patients. I appreciate her for always being as gentle as she could with me through some very painful times. :)

After my ultrasound my mother-in-law and I went down to see my OB and give her the news. I think she and her nurse are just as excited as we are. After all, they have been with me through a lot in the past year. Dr. Deed hugged me and just couldn't quit saying how excited she was. I have her to thank for so much. She saved my life earlier this year and she has always looked out for me and for that I cannot be more grateful. So I will see her again on August 2 for my first official prenatal visit. We will get more pictures of baby then but I was able to get one picture today. You can't really tell much but there is definitely a baby there.

I really hate that Kyle couldn't be with me today so see our baby's heartbeat for the first time. I was able to talk to him a little while ago and he is so very excited and relieved. I'm ready for him to come home now so we can celebrate and enjoy this wonderful news together. Now I need a nap! :)

Nervous Again!

As I lay on the couch this morning trying to remain perfectly still so I do not lose my breakfast, my OB's office called. Thank goodness it was my favorite nurse this time. Since I wasn't expecting a call from them I was kind of curious as to what she could want. Maybe she knew how incredibly nauseous I have been and wanted to bring me something to fix it? Nah...no chance.

She informed me that Dr. Deed had reviewed my ultrasound from last Thursday and wanted me to have another one this Thursday to see if there has been any progress. My stomach immediately turned a flip...which was not a good thing...and my nerves kicked into overdrive. I had already prepared myself for the three-week wait until my first official prenatal visit. Now I was faced with more "what ifs" AND to top it all off...my dear husband is thousands of miles away in San Diego this week.

Hopefully I will be able to get a video of this ultrasound since we should see a heartbeat this time. I certainly hate it that he may miss seeing that for the first time. :( My sweet mother-in-law is going to take me to my appointment and I am already looking forward to lunch beforehand. I haven't been getting out of the house much lately because this nausea is really getting the best of me. I really hope this doesn't last much longer. I absolutely hate being nauseated! But I know, I know...it is for a good reason, but still. YUCK!

Sunday I had to lay perfectly still for quite a while on the couch and Brady kept begging me to get up. I told him that Momma was sick and if I moved too much I might throw up. He accepted that for a while and went on about his business. A little later a friend of his came over and wanted him to go over to his house and play. He came through the door asking Brady where his Momma was. Brady said, "She is on the couch cause her belly hurts. Don't bother her though cause if she moves too much she will throw up. Do you want my Momma to throw up??" Of course the little boy said NO! Kids are so funny!

Now I am headed to take a nap since I can't seem to keep my eyes open or make my tummy stop hurting. I promised Brady I would take him to Larry's tonight. I must feel better before then so I can enjoy me some pizza!

A Step In The Right Direction

So our 6-week ultrasound was yesterday and it went well. The technician that performed it, Elizabeth, has done many of my tests in the past year. She said she wondered what happened to me after the last ectopic she found. She started out with an abdominal scan to measure my ovaries, then she proceeded on with the transvaginal ultrasound. She was asking questions about whether I had been experiencing any pain or bleeding with this pregnancy. Those questions made me very nervous. Just show me the baby already!

After scanning around for a couple of minutes looking at stuff that I didn't recognize, she finally got to the uterus. She pointed out a gestational sac that contained a yolk sac INSIDE MY UTERUS! So my worst fears of having another ectopic pregnancy were finally gone. Thank you Lord! Then there was the question of how far along I really am. According to my LMP, I should be 6 weeks yesterday. However, at 6 weeks you should be able to see a fetal heartbeat. So Elizabeth determined that I must be only 5 weeks, which is fine with me so long as everything looks the way it should.

We left there with some pretty good assurance that we have a normal pregnancy this time. Third time's a charm! I am still so cautious though because I want to see a baby or a heartbeat before I am convinced that everything is okay. I don't want to get my hopes up again only for my hopes to be shattered with loss. I am trying to have faith though that whatever the outcome of this pregnancy...it is God's will. That is so hard for me to do sometimes since I am human and all.

I have an appointment with my OB scheduled for August 2nd. She will do her normal first prenatal exam which will include an ultrasound. We should be able to see and hear a heartbeat at this visit. So for the next 3 weeks and 3 days I have to stay positive and have peace about what is to come. I'm praying for no complications from here on out. My mom reminded me this morning, "God is the giver of life." Those are words I need to tell myself daily. :)

I pasted some information below about where I am at this stage of my pregnancy. I told my mom that we have access to too much information sometimes where pregnancy is concerned. When she was having babies, they didn't have ultrasounds to check this or that or even determine the sex of the babies. A woman knew she was pregnant when she missed her period. She knew there was really a baby in there when she felt the baby move. I am thankful for the technology we have these days, but maybe it just gives us too much to worry about.          

Gestational Sac
The gestational sac is the earliest sonographic finding in pregnancy. The gestational sac appears as an echogenic (bright echoes) ring surrounding a sonolucent (clear) center. The gestational sac does not correspond to specific anatomic structures, but is an ultrasonic finding characteristic of early pregnancy. Ectopic pregnancies can also have a gestational sac identified with ultrasound, even though the pregnancy is not within the endometrial cavity. 

The gestational sac first appears at about 4 weeks gestational age, and grows at a rate of about 1 mm a day through the 9th week of pregnancy. 

Your ability to identify an early gestational sac will depend on many factors, including the capabilities of the ultrasound equipment, your approach (vaginal or abdominal), your experience, the orientation of the uterus (generally it is easier to see if the uterus is anteflexed or retroflexed), and the presence of such complicating factors as fibroid tumors of the uterus. While a gestational sac is sometimes seen as early as during the 4th week of gestation, it may not be seen until the end of the 5th week, when the serum HCG levels have risen to 1000-1500 mIU.

Gestational sac size may be determined by measuring the largest diameter, or the mean of three diameters. These differences rarely effect gestational age dating by more than a day or two.

1st Trimester Ultrasound Scan

Yolk Sac
As the pregnancy advances, the next structure to become visible to ultrasound is the yolk sac. This is a round, sonolucent structure with a bright rim. 

The yolk sac first appears during the fifth week of pregnancy and grows to be no larger than 6 mm. Yolk sacs larger than 6 mm are usually indicative of an abnormal pregnancy. Failure to identify (with transvaginal ultrasound) a yolk sac when the gestational sac has grown to 12 mm is also usually indicative of a failed pregnancy.

Yolk sacs that are moving within the gestational sac ("floating"), contain echogenic material (rather than sonolucent), or are gross misshapen are ominous findings for the pregnancy.

Catch Up

Well since my last blog a lot has transpired. Let me catch you up to where we are. On May 4 I underwent surgery to repair my remaining tube. The doctor was able to remove all the adhesions that were causing my tube to become twisted and closed. He even stitched back the opening of the tube so that it was no longer just a pin hole opening. He gave us relatively good hope that we would be able to get pregnant on our own with a lesser risk of another ectopic pregnancy. We were told to wait a couple of weeks before we started trying to get pregnant. This put us into June before the timing was right again.

On Sunday, June 21, I had a positive pregnancy test!! I wanted to get excited immediately, but all the fear of what might happen now quickly set in. I called my OB first thing that Monday morning to set up my 6-week ultrasound. After a bit of run-around, the nurse told me I would need to come in that morning for some blood work to see where my hCG levels were. This way they could more accurately schedule the ultrasound to ensure we could actually see the pregnancy. We would repeat the test on Wednesday to see if the hormone level doubled. This is usually a good indication of a normal pregnancy. In my past two pregnancies that turned out to be ectopics, my hormone levels never doubled. I was scared to death at what these tests would tell me this time. I didn't know how I could stand another failed pregnancy and the possibility of losing my only remaining tube.

After waiting the three days to get the results of the blood work, the nurse called early Thursday morning with the good news that my levels had more than doubled. Monday's level was 85 and Wednesday's level was 188. That was definitely a good sign, but I was still cautious with my excitement about this pregnancy. She went ahead and scheduled my ultrasound for Thursday, July 8. That's tomorrow! And not only will we find out if indeed we have a baby this time, but it is my husband's birthday. I do hope that I can give him the best birthday present ever...a baby!

I have been a nervous wreck the past 10 days. I have been so aware of every little twinge, every little pain, every little thought that something might be wrong. I have been so exhausted anyway that I have tried to sleep as much as I can to make the week go by faster. I know that God is in control of it all and that whatever is going on inside my body is His will. I just want it all to be okay this time. No more disappointment, no more pain, no more failures. I want a happy ending and a healthy addition to our little family. So hopefully soon after 9:00 a.m. in the morning we will know where all these paths we have been on in the last year will lead us. Say a prayer if you don't mind. Not for what I want, but for the peace and strength to deal with whatever happens.